Give the Gift of Freedom

January 6, 2012

Then you recently turned and did waht was right in my sight- every man proclaiming liberty to his neighbor; and you made a covenant before me in the house which is called by my name.
Jeremiah 34:15

I found an old cell phone charger to a phone I had a few years ago.  The phone had a lot of texts messages and songs on it from right before my divorce from my ex-husband in 2007.  They triggered some old feelings and memories of the pain and emotions I went through during that time.

Today's devotional and the scripture talk about freedom.  I realize that I have lived with a lot of bottled up anger and bitterness from my first marriage.  I have held onto feelings of jealousy and resentment towards him.  I think because I still feel like I was never "good enough" for him.  No matter how hard I tried or waht I did to try to show him how much I loved him- it wasn't enough to hold our relationship together.

Because of this- I have let it change me- I have become a person who tries to control people and change them into who I think they should be- or who I think God wants them to be.  I am sure that this has played a part in the conflicts that I have had in my current marriage and in parenting my kids.  I have set expectations of perfection on myself and the ones I love out of fear of rejection and abandonment.  I'm afraid that if I'm not "perfect" or if someone does not do things the way that I think they should it will somehow end with them having negative feelings towards me. 

I need to forgive and let go of the resentment I have held onto.  It is not fair to me or my family.  My husband is wonderful and I have amazing kids - I need to remind myself of this daily.  Just because they may sometimes do things that I wouldn't necessarily do or agree with- does not mean that they hate me or are doing it to intentionally upset me.  They are their own people- and ultimately they are God's children and I need to trust that God is a far better parent than I will ever be. 

I pray: God will allows me to truly forgive and let of these feelings.  I will trust that God will mold them into who He desires and give both myself and others the freedom to be ourselves.

Amen.